True Story & Random Quote

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


The original Tetris instructors

It's not even the fact that there are different versions of Tetris, or that they've changed the gameplay in small ways that aren't necessarily better. It's not that they managed to make the instruction manual for Tetris so confusing that it needed a two-page glossary, or even that they then didn't even alphabetize it.

It's the fact that Tetris now has a plot, and Tetris should never ever ever have needed a plot. Someone should kill Alexey Pajitnov just so he can start spinning in his grave.

A TetrinaughtIn case you're curious, your mighty little adventure is this: Six tetrinaughts have been sent out on a mission to unlock the secret of the Tetrion stargates in order to escape your dying Minos homeworld and start terraforming other little tetroid friendly worlds. You play a tetrinaught, I think. You even have your own customizable tetrian avatars, that sit there and watch your falling blocks like a cat watching a dustbunny.

It'd be like opening up a chess tournament with a monologue on the mighty battles of the proud white kings versus the gloomy black knights.

Was there really a point in the redesign when some manager stood up and said "Y'know, I think more people would play Tetris if only they had a story to latch onto." I just really don't understand it.

In related news, I miss Howard & Nester. Here's hoping for a comeback tour.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

I drive like a buddhist monk

There's nothing in the world like driving a pickup down a major highway sideways. It's not as much driving as it is serenely moving the wheel and touching the brake pedal—wondering if it will really do anything—as you pleasantly float down a four-lane highway at highway speeds.

It's nice—you can see the incoming wave of traffic much more clearly out of the side window than you could out of the rear-view mirror. And if that window is too fogged up for you, just an panicked turn of the wheel and the truck will do a 180° to let you watch them out the other side window.

Eventually, after continuing like this for a while, you'll be left wondering whether the sporadically placed guard rail will hold against a barrelling truck. But it does, and the tale of fun ends in a manner surprisingly far less messy than was possible. And you feel kind good about the whole thing. (Until the the same thing happens again two weeks later.)