Things I learned in Doolittle, Missouri

• Any time is miller time.


• Chewing tobacco when you're a child will likely stunt your growth.


• When there's nothing left to do, drink.


• "Are ya nekkid?!" is an acceptable way to begin any speech, toast, or conversation.


• Missouri has no open container laws.


• Black people don't exist.


• With a little love, a trailor home can look far more homely and feel far more comforting than any place I've lived in during the last 8 years.


• Rap music is just crap without the C.